Amy Hobbs

Like No Other: My Life, Misadventures, The Craziness, and the Reason I’m Here!

Bryson…My “Sunshine” October 22, 2009

Filed under: My Life — amyhobbs @ 6:25 pm
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Sunday morning when I got to church my friend Sarah was sitting in the sanctuary with her son Bryson.  She hopped up and told Bryson “let’s show Amy what you can do”.  She put him down and told him to walk to me and he did, for the first time.  I was super excited and of course we clapped and cheered him along!  There is nothing like a babies first steps.  They are so proud of themselves and we parents know that this new found talent only leads to our eyes needing to become more watchful.

Bryson repeated this new trick for every person who walked in that morning.  Over and over he walked to different people while we all cheered him on.  He giggled and laughed and clapped his own hands as we were all quite content with the show he was putting on for us. 

In the midst of watching Bryson’s new talent I had a few thoughts that I wanted to share with you.  First let me say that I had the high priviledge of being in the delivery room when he was born.  It was truly the most amazing experience that I have ever had.  (Yes, it was amazing when my children were born, but come on I was in pain, so that made this way better!)  I have been in his momma’s life since she was 16 and got to lead her to the Lord.  She is 10 years younger than I am and I am 39.  (I don’t want to reveal her age here, it might be embarrassing.)  So needless to say it has been a long time.  Watching her become a mother, when for years I watched her carry my kids around on her hip, was and is a neat thing.

Back to what I wanted to share, these are the things I observed Sunday morning.Bryson Raper 007

Bryson is full of Joy.  He truly is greatly amused by himself and others around him.  He laughs all the time.  Sometimes they are fake laughs, which are immediately followed by real laughs because that is even funny to him.  You can’t possibly spend anytime around him without feeling full of joy yourself and if you are down, he is a pick me up quite like no other.  His giggles are infectious and I dare you not to laugh with him.

Bryson is loving.  He gives the greatest open mouth kisses to anyone who will dare ask for the slobber.  He hugs and when you least expect it he might pat you on the back when you hold him or my favorite lay his head on your chest, just for a moment.  He knows how to love in the purest way.

Bryson doesn’t doubt he is loved.  He lights up when he says momma and dada.  He grins when either of them come into the room.  He knows who loves him and he responds in ways that tell you how aware he is of that love.

Bryson trusts everyone.  It is hard for most of us to trust everyone we encounter.  Sometimes it is because we have been hurt by other people.  Sometimes those people are some that you thought would never hurt you, yet for whatever reason they do.  Bryson doesn’t have to guess about this person or that.  He knows that if he is taking his first steps towards you and then throws himself forward just as he gets to you (which he does), he knows that you are going to catch him.  He did it over and over, with everyone he walked to.  He has no fear of his relationship with you, he trusts you even if he just met you.  It is sad that we are so wounded in life that we can’t have that kind of trust, it is long gone.

Bryson knows his needs are going to be met.  Bryson is an eater, no doubt about it.  If you ever question whether he is fed, just squeeze his thighs!  He is one precious chunk of a kid.  He knows that when he is ready to eat, that someone is going to feed him.  He also knows who will share their dinner with him.  We meet at our house every Wednesday night and Bryson knows that he can share dinner with mom, dad, me, Josh, Kaci, well pretty much everybody would share but he knows that we’ll take care of him.  This week he was walking around the table and decided to “do his business” and he walked right over to Josh, touched his leg and then looked at me and said “tinky”.  He knew that either one of us would take care of it, he knew who to tell.  (Just for the record, I dodged the tinky bullet, sorry Ben.)   

Bryson knows his Daddy loves him.  Sadly some kids don’t know this simple fact.  Bryson doesn’t doubt it.  He adores his Daddy and it shows.  He loves to walk to his Daddy best, play guitar with his Daddy, and just to be held by his Daddy.  Ben is wrapped right around Bryson’s pinky and it is a joy to watch the two of them together.Bryson Raper 002

What we can learn from Bryson.  God loves us, cares for us, meets our needs, we can always trust Him, He is loving, and brings joy.  He delights in us as we should delight in Him.  I am so glad that I get to see Jesus with skin on, when I watch Bryson.  He is a joy and I know that he  demonstrates God’s love for me and everyone around him, just by being Bryson.  This was evidenced by the entire church cheering him on Sunday morning.  That is the kind of church God wants.  A family of people sharing the joy of one another, honoring one another, and having one another’s back when we stumble.  For those of you who are a part of my “family”  I promise to catch you when you stumble, love you always, and prove myself trustworthy.  Thanks for honoring John and I this past Sunday.   It meant more than words can express.  Feeling honored hasn’t been something that I have felt.  Lots of other feelings but honored wasn’t one of them, so thank you.

I love you Bryson and thanks for being my “Sunshine”.

 

Why I haven’t written… October 17, 2009

Filed under: My Life — amyhobbs @ 12:50 pm

I haven’t been writing on here for a long while now.  There are many reasons why I haven’t: too busy, not on the computer very often, enjoying Farmville too much on Facebook, but mostly because everything that I write here is seen by many people.  People who when they read the things that I say sometimes get overly offended by my words. 

I wrote a blog a long time ago, that to date is my most read, that made many people mad at me.  I wrote it from a very raw, deeply wounded place and entitled the blog: Warning My Emotional Rant.  I can tell you that the reason there was so much readership for that blog was because people were calling one another or emailing one another and saying “go read Amy’s blog, it’s awful (or offensive, or ungodly, or sinful, or whatever other description they used)”.

How come a person, who loves Jesus, can’t say how hurt they are or how devastated they feel.  Is it wrong that when people who you thought loved you, wound you and desert you, that you get really upset?  I thought that expressing my feelings here would help me process, and did until one day later when the “word on the street” was all about me and my offensive blog.  I didn’t mean to offend anyone, I was just expressing my hurt in words.  I couldn’t even put the words together that truly expressed my feelings, yet the words that I used were deemed wrong.  People couldn’t seem to remember the way I had loved them, supported them, encouraged them, been there for them, dealt with their emotional rants and never thought ill of them.  Something is wrong with that.  Something is really wrong with that. 

In the midst of all of this the one thing that I heard the Lord say to me was that I was not to defend myself.  I wanted so desperately to call people and explain, to make them understand, but God told me no.  This has been the hardest thing that I have ever had to do.  Do you know what it is like to know that there are inaccuracies in what people say and think and you are not allowed to respond to it.  At the same time I wanted to bless people out for treating me that way, for not remembering the good in our relationship and only focusing on the few words recorded on a blog site.

So the truth for me is that I haven’t been writing here, about how I really feel, or what I am going through for fear of the repercussions.  I don’t want to be a topic of discussion.  I just wanted to be able to be “real” here instead I feel like someone tied my hands and has restricted me from talking about where I really am emotionally, spiritually, and just where I am with life in general.  So instead, when I have written since then, I have been really cautious and guarded with my words.  I write about my kids or cakes I am making and not about the things that I am having to walk through personally.  How come that is fair? 

So I am just letting those of you who at one time were following my life here, this is why I have a hard time writing.  Because apparently it is ok for everyone else to voice their thoughts and feeling honestly but not for me.  However I am going to attempt to resume writing my thoughts and feelings here.  Maybe not as often as I would like but just as a way to process my life in words.  This is helpful to me.  So if you happen to be someone who was offended before, well…maybe it would be best for you to not read this blog anymore.  If you are truly interested in my life then remember the part of our relationship that ministered to you in your time of need.  I am only trying to press through the circumstances that I now face.  Don’t hold it against me.  I am still hurt and wounded. 

Truth be told at this point most of the offended people don’t give a rats behind about me and my blog anymore and I probably won’t be any point of discussion.  If however I am…think before you speak and cut a girl a break.

For those of you who love me, know me and my heart, who have my back, thanks for being in my life and supporting me.